Home       Relationships

What to do when staying loyal becomes hard?

"You want to explore new possibilities. But it would take overlooking the loyalty rules you both have collectively set for each other –you can’t flirt with someone else, swipe on tinder or get intimate outside the relationship"

Shivam Singh

You have been in that relationship for quite some time now. You have loved them with all your heart. And they have loved you back. But off late you have started feeling slightly shackled in your relationship. Staying loyal with them feels forced, like something you have to do instead of something you love to do. You want to explore new possibilities. But it would take overlooking the loyalty rules you both have collectively set for each other –you can’t flirt with someone else, swipe on tinder or get intimate outside the relationship. Loyalty is just that, set of rules you both have previously agreed to, in words or action.

There is no one fixed law to define if someone is loyal because laws change from relationship to relationship. But isn’t getting intimate outside relationship a big ‘no’ in all relationships? The answer is no. If you feel so you haven’t seen the world enough. There is no one understanding of right and wrong in the world. It changes with culture. So if you have started finding loyalty hard, it simply means those rules have become difficult to follow. You need to figure out if the rules have changed for you or your love for your partner has. Ask yourself if you would be okay if they did the same to you. And if it won’t affect you, it’s time to break up. Because you have changed, your partner hasn’t. And if it feels totally unacceptable to even imagine your lover, say kiss someone else then you need to curb your desires now. You are still so much into your relationship.

But why do these desires arise in the first place? Isn’t that a proof that you aren’t love anymore? Isn’t that sinful? Well, don’t be too harsh on yourself. Those desires are back because the excitement and passion that had tightly bound you with your lover has slightly worn out now. And it’s okay. It happens. Things get old. All you need to answer is one question. Do you still want to be with them? And if it’s a yes it’s time to make a transition, one that every relationship goes through. When the passion dries down, it has to be replaced with a sense of commitment. That passion will keep returning in patches and when it isn’t there, the sense of commitment has to fill the void. Remember, all this if you truly want to be with them. Otherwise, it’s only going to cause pain to you and your lover.

In the end it’s all very simple. You want to deviate from the rules, go ahead but only if you would be fine if your partner did the same. Talk to them. Ask if a couple of rules could be erased from the list. Don’t have the guts? Just move on, but if you want to stay in the relationship and still break a few rules, well sorry to break this to you, it’s simply called cheating. Decide what’s more important, your lover or that independence from the rules and till the answer is in favour of your relationship, keep squelching any other desire.