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Relationships: If it doesn’t work for a week, doesn’t mean it won’t work

"How often has a week or even a month of misunderstanding (read cold war) ingrained doubts in your mind? Have I chosen the right person? Is it too early? Have I made a mistake? Relationships feel bliss when everything is alright. And when life takes an ugly turn, nothing pains more than a fragile phase of relationship"

“It’s not working between us anymore,” This one line has ruined more relationships than the third person in a triangle. How often has a week or even a month of misunderstanding (read cold war) ingrained doubts in your mind? Have I chosen the right person? Is it too early? Have I made a mistake? Relationships feel bliss when everything is alright. And when life takes an ugly turn, nothing pains more than a fragile phase of relationship. And when things enter this fragile phase how to decide if the relationship is worth continuing?

Let us assume that you had a fight with your partner, a real ugly fight and you both aren’t talking anymore and it has been a week. You are unsure of your next step. And friends have advised to breakup because you have very expertly narrated your side of the story without stressing upon your own faults. Now, what started as a simple defence of your mistakes has grown into a strong perception that the other person doesn’t deserve to be in your life anymore. How to decide in such a moment of haze what is best for you? The answer is clear, unbiased, critical thinking. Yes, we know relationships are all about heart, but you should still leave decision making your brain. First, you need to think why you had the fight in first place. What was the issue? If it was something petty, like some jealousy because someone flirted with your partner, or some trivial relationship issue like not giving time etc., and it grew into an all-out war because you both have no clue how to handle a petty fight, then you should stop thinking about splitting at once. Because this is how relationships are. It’s as much about agreements as it is about disagreements. And if you think otherwise, your idea of a perfect relationship is flawed. You need to understand that these fragile phases keep coming in life and they demand strength and utmost belief in your partner. And sometimes not seeking advice really helps because you and only you know the truth. And if these petty arguments are too frequent, you need to analyse your way of thinking and your partner’s. See if you are guilty of raising petty issues way too much. If it is so, then try correcting it. It will be difficult because it has become your basic nature but you have to if you want to live a more peaceful life. And if it’s your partner who is at fault, then it’s time to talk. Explain them honestly where they are erring. They may not accept it on your face because that’s how we are right? We don’t readily accept our mistakes. But in hindsight they just might decide to make a change and bingo magic happens.

This brings us to a second scenario. What if the root of the fight is something more serious? You need to be smart here. Is there a third person involved? Or your partner is unbearably violent? There can be scores of reasons which make the relationship totally unfit to survive in. And it isn’t difficult to figure it out. There is a line which shouldn’t be crossed. And you are smart enough to feel it if you employ just a bit of that critical thinking.

As long as the base is strong and you both want to be together, nothing should be able to separate you. It’s worth ‘dragging’ a relationship for few days with a worthy person. Feelings don’t remain the same throughout. In phases they are strong, and in phases very weak. And when it’s week it calls for a strong resolve and not quitting in hope of another fairy-tale relationship.