Should you apologize when you are not wrong?
by ittisikhushi | Updated January 13, 2020
What is an apology? Is it an expression of how one feels? If so, then what is regret? Again, what is thank you? Is it a feeling? Then what is gratitude?
Do you see what I did here? There are different words for feeling and expression. Do you know why? Because that’s the truth of the world –you cannot always express what you feel. These are two different things.
Nobody says ‘I am full of gratitude for your service’ at a restaurant. Until of course you really very strongly feel it. A ‘thank you’ does the job. And at most places you would receive a ‘thank you’ or ‘you are welcome’ in return.
The difficulty arrives when you have to express regret or apologize. Because somehow it makes us feel small. It screams to us we are not perfect –something a lot of us find difficult to believe. And the difficulty level goes further notches up when you clearly know you are not wrong but the person across you would just not understand.
Now if you are even considering apologizing when you are not at fault, it can be fairly assumed that you are in some sort of give and take relationship with that person. It could be love, care or simply work-salary kind of relationship. When you are stretched between apologizing and not apologizing it’s actually a tussle between your brain which is constantly analysing the pros and cons and your dear ego which just wouldn’t let you bow your head.
Again, since apologizing is just an expression and not a reflection of how you actually feel, what’s stopping you? It’s just a smart inter-personal move that can benefit you in long term. And if you think the person across you might consider you weak, think again. Let’s analyse a few scenarios to understand this.
Should I apologize to my partner even if I am not wrong?
We wish there could be one definite answer to all relationship issues. But truth be spoken, how you tackle a situation with your partner totally varies from one relationship to another. So should you apologize to your partner who is absolutely mad at you?
Well, what kind of person are they? What happened the last time you picked up a fight with them? Did they stop talking and still cared for you? Or were they just totally ignorant even if you caught a cold? Simply put, some relationships are worth saving with an apology you don’t mean and some others just deserve the bin.
If your partner is just gold, you shouldn’t mind saying sorry. And it wouldn’t even make you appear weak. Do you know why? Because if they are true to you and they know you inside out, they would just know that you are apologizing to make things better. They might take time to realize. And perhaps they would never admit. But if you see them showering a little extra care on you, well you know why.
And partners are like apes. They copy! Perhaps next time they would emulate your act and offer you the victory on a platter. It works that way.
Should I apologize to my parents when I am not wrong
Parents always want us to prosper and stay happy. They believe they can guide you in life. And truly speaking, there comes a moment in life when you realize that most advices they gave you that you might not have agreed upon previously were actually gold.
But let’s admit, they can’t always be right. Their minds were shaped in an era that is now more or less obsolete. And often they try imposing their way of life on you and you being the modern day genius you are decide to revolt. Things quickly escalate. You often stop talking to your parents but since they are your parents you still need them. What should you do? You know you were right but perhaps you might have to apologize. Should you?
Here’s the thing. Apologize to them but in a calm and loving manner explain why you are apologizing. Tell them you shouldn’t have raised your voice. Explain them it wasn’t the best of you that they saw. However, sneak your point in that apology again. And since they love you, they might just agree. If they don’t agree, be patient, love them a little more. They would surely melt. Just give them the space to feel they are still the boss. Don’t try to be the dominant party.
Should I apologize to my boss when I am not wrong?
Do you work at your company because you love it? Or do you work there for the salary? If it’s the first case you must clarify to your boss how it was not your fault and yet be humble enough to add ‘sorry if any of my actions caused any harm to the company’. If you hold it within then you would eventually lose the love for the company.
However if it’s the latter case, just go and apologize. If you can fake a smile for an entire day at the office for the currency, there is no reason why you can’t pull out an apology that you don’t mean. Your boss is in a position of power. Upsetting him is not the best thing to do.
So do you see? Saying sorry when you are not wrong is not such a bad thing. However, the way you do it differs from situation to situation and the person you are dealing with. Just be smart enough to hit the right balance.