Home    Humour

What pollution? You anti-nationals! It’s an opportunity to boost economy!

“People are binging on Netflix all night and you are complaining about irritation in eyes! This is mere propaganda by opposition parties"

A work of satire

What pollution? Where is pollution? Can’t you ignore a little bit of smog in the air for the sake of economy? So what if the smoke is asphyxiating you? People are binging on Netflix all night and you are complaining about irritation in eyes! This is mere propaganda by opposition parties. You feel like you might drive into a tree while driving? And who was protesting when a kind government was chopping these green monsters off in Aarey? Pollution is our baby. If anybody touches it the ‘Bhartiya Yuva Pollution Morcha’ would lynch them to death!

These news anchors who are screaming about PM levels in the air know nothing. This entire PM scale is a big fraud. It’s a ploy of the western countries to defame India. The government will bring its own PM scale. No particle less than the size of an SG cricket ball will be allowed to be labelled as pollution. The BCCI has been clearly instructed to ensure that under no circumstances the match ball should fall below the standard pollution size during the India Bangladesh T20. Rohit Sharma has been duly warned to keep his sixes soft. Government would make adequate arrangement to ensure zero pollution on the cricket pitch. Any violation of the Nationalist Pollution Code and the ball would be confiscated with immediate effect. Huh, and they say the government isn’t doing enough to safeguard environment.

 

Did you even ‘haww’ on those those visuals of Bangladeshi cricketers wearing masks while practicing? Ha Ha! That is government sponsored. It’s a victory of our diplomacy. The Bangladeshi cricketers have been talked too. Their act would dissuade illegal Bangladeshi migrants from crossing over to India. Masterstroke!

This air pollution is the best thing that could have happened in these times of economic slowdown and unemployment. Sales of air-purifiers have shot through sky. PHDs and B.Techs are now employed in selling pollution masks at red lights. And don’t let us even start about the sale of detergents. In fact, sources in the corporate world have reported about an incoming tagline from a popular washing powder brand -‘Keeping your pollution dyed shirts as it is, because trend matters!’.

Do you get the picture? Pollution is no threat. It’s a saviour and it’s the latest trend. Go South Delhi girls! Go on a pollution spree while the trend lasts!


Also Read

5 reasons why free travel for women is a revolutionary idea